I love stats. Information in general is something I can’t get enough of. So, naturally I check my blog stats, my referral links and search terms. I figure I may learn something about tagging and what works to drive traffic my way.
But the stats – the search terms? They are incomprehensible to me. Sometimes they make sense, they just don’t make me happy – sure 5 new hits came to the site today, but they were all looking for an image of an ugly sweater.
But at least I do indeed have a picture of an ugly sweater.
Sometimes I’m surprised by certain terms bringing anyone back to me, period. Other times, the frequency of a search is what gets me. And sometimes, I’m just amazed by the search term itself. And I have looked up some weird stuff. Below are some of my favorites.
1. Dog needs to pee – this hit has come 4 different times. The fragment does indeed appear in one of my posts, mid-sentence in a less than extraordinary way, this one got me because, well, if the dog needs to pee, don’t Google it. Let it outside.
2. Doctor Scorecard – I know why this met the search, but this one kills me because I envision responsible parents searching for this as a way to find a doctor with a good reputation to treat their precious bundle of joy, and they found this instead. Baaaaaaaahahahaha!
3. Does the left-wing photoshop photos? This got me because with the same amount of frequency about a month later I found this: Does the right-wing photoshop photos? Um, duh. Of course they do. Were you people lobotomized recently? If nothing else, there isn’t a press issued photo that hasn’t been retouched from the standpoint of evening complexion or neatening flyaway hair. And come on, people believe what they see. If you can show your competitor doing something stupid or nefarious, yay for you.
4. wat i can write and post 2 d world – Not much if you can’t be troubled to type three-letter words. Wow. And how did you end up in my world? I don’t even half-ass words while texting.
5. rubber glove blow up-google What?
6. profile of drawing of clenched teeth I cannot for the life of me figure out how I got more than 1 hit on this search term…some sort of assignment from dentistry school, maybe, but there is nothing I can find in my blog regarding this, so how these guys ended up in my world is beyond me.
7. Anorexia – This, or a variation of this gets hits on my blog nearly every single day. Why?
8. librarian tripped over the cord, she dropped a pile of books – this one is so oddly specific. I do have an image of a stack of books on one of my posts somewhere, but that is a pretty far reach.
9. things we have to know about botox – again, what? Botox? I don’t think I’ve ever issued a post that even includes that word, let alone placed in such a way as to be picked up by a search engine.
10. potty “pullups” poo or poop or poops or pooped or poopy or poopie or poopies or poopoo or pooping or poopin or pooing or bm or stinky or messy or dirty or soiled or crap or dump or mess or bowel or bowels – What, in the name of all that is holy was this person looking for??? AH! Fettish search! Ew. Ew, ew, ew! I’m sure they got to the blog because of a post in which I referred to adult diapers, but wow. Wow. I have to go now. Feeling the strong urge to take a boiling hot shower.