Girl Brain V. Boy Brain

My husband doesn’t know that I blog. I mean he does, but I think what that means to him and what it means to me are two different things. We have this chronic issue between us – Girl Brain versus Boy Brain. Blogging is one of those things that are involved in that fight. We’re like a science experiment, gone awry.

To him, blogging means the MLB hotstove rumors and political commentary on the Huffington Post. To me it’s a mental exercise and exorcism.

Girl Brain and Boy Brain fight a lot. Not in a marital discord way, but in a vying for a strategic win sort of way. As a matter of fact, Girl Brain V. Boy Brain has prevented marital discord on occasion. A little argument starts about something trivial, it escalates and then – Wait a minute, this is a Girl Brain/Boy Brain thing.

Then we move into dissecting the difference between the two thought processes and we move through our differences. Here’s a recent, minor example:

“Can you snap out Quinn’s clothes before you fold them?”


“Less wrinkles.”


“I don’t want to send him to school with wrinkled clothes and I’m not ironing at 6:30 in the morning.”

“Who cares if his clothes are wrinkled? He’s a little boy. He’s covered in dirt within 8 seconds anyway.”

“I’m not worried about the dirt, I’m worried about the wrinkles. It looks like we don’t care.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do, Can you please just snap the wrinkles out before you fold them? It literally takes less than a fraction of a second.”

This is the type of exchange that could escalate in some households. But he stopped.

“Wait a second, is this one of your Girl Brain/Boy Brain things? You don’t care if he’s dirty, but you care if he’s wrinkled. Why, oh-great-and-logical-girl-brain, would that be?” (We speak in sarcasm a lot, too)

“I get the Bad Mom badge if he’s wrinkly. We’re responsible for caring for him, and if he’s wrinkly, he looks unkept. And that means I’m unkeeping him. (We also make up words) I’ll be That Mom again. I hate being That Mom. If he’s just dirty, that’s fine. It means I’ve been letting him play, be a kid. That is points in my favor. And even if it isn’t, there’s plenty of justification – He’s dirty because I’m not so anal as to prevent him from being a kid and playing in the mud, as opposed to, He’s wrinkly because I’m too lazy to iron. Or snap out the clothes before folding them.

If one of us can bring it back around to the original point that neatly, it’s a win.

He stared at me for a second, processing my Girl Brain Logic with his Boy Brain. Then he snapped out the pants he was folding and neatly put them in the dresser.

But sometimes Boy Brain wins. And that is why boy doesn’t know that I blog. Girl Brain feels the need to mentally purge, and to get some of the random that’s rattling around up there out, to make room for other stuff. Sometimes it’s almost like thinking out loud. But I’m rarely passing along fascinating baseball rumors or encapsulating what is wrong with society within a carefully constructed nest of witty remarks.

So, Girl Brain is a bit of a coward. And at some point, She’s going to have to put on her big-girl panties and share, because that’s what we do. If I could just figure out what he’s going to think . . .



7 thoughts on “Girl Brain V. Boy Brain

  1. Pingback: A MAN, A PLAN, A CANAL: PANAMA | Rant Rave Write for GroupThink

  2. I’m not aware of you ever writing anything ‘bad’. If anything, what you write shows your family life in a very real, but positive light. You obviously love your family and care a lot about them, but your experiences also show people that a real relationship is about communication.

    I think Boy Brain should be proud of Girl Brain, though I don’t have a Boy Brain to ask if that’s true…


  3. So that’s why my husband and I see the laundry in such different ways! I think Girl Brain rocks, because no way am I letting my kid start the school day scruffy. Even if she gets dirty, at least she started clean. It’s a mom-pride thing. 😉


  4. Love your take on the Girl brain and Boy brain. I understand your worry but at some point in our lives we have to live authentically true to who we are. This blog represents you and sharing it with strangers or people that aren’t as close as, say your husband, can seem much easier than sharing it with someone we love and care what they think. Most likely he will honor your process just as he honored the need you had for your son’s clothes to not look wrinkled. May you have the courage to share this part of yourself with him.



  5. I love you! Seriously, your household sounds exactly like mine and I love how this makes me feel normal.

    And Morgan is right: it is far easier to share these personal snippets in cyberspace with strangers than it is with those we love (and worry how they’ll perceive us).

    I blogged for well over a year before I shared that fact with anyone. Then I put it out there in an email for all my family and friends. That was seriously scary.

    Additionally, I have published works that nobody even knows I’ve written. I’m a coward that way.

    Thanks for following me so I could follow you.


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  7. Pingback: Girl Brain V. Boy Brain – The Grocery Edition « Rant Rave Write

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