Who Are You and Why Are You Hugging Me?

Have I mentioned that I am not a touchy/feely person? I’m not one for hugging acquaintances (or friends, for that matter), I have never bussed cheeks in greeting, and all those unsolicited belly touches from 8 billion people while I was pregnant nearly got me committed.

And anyone who knows me, knows this. I am very protective of my 3 foot radius of personal space. Don’t. Touch. Me.

Last Saturday I took my son the store to visit his father.

We pulled in, and the moment I stepped out of the truck, I heard the distressing squeal of a hugger that has spotted a target.

I glanced around and confirmed that I didn’t know anyone in the vicinity, so I turned back toward the truck to tell Quinn to unbuckle.

But when I stepped back, I ran into the girl and found myself in the midst of a spine crushing embrace.

“It’s you! I’ve missed you!”

Danger! Danger!

Heyyy.” In my caution, I drew the word out like The Fonz.

“Oh, Lynnette, you look gorgeous! You’ve lost all the baby weight since I saw you.”

There goes the Mistaken Identity theory. But there was a clue there. She hadn’t seen me for about 2 years, if she noticed the missing baby weight. Go-Go-Gadget Brain!

“I did. Yes.”

She bounced up and down on her tiptoes, covered her mouth speak-no-evil style, and squealed again.

“Ohhhh, I’m just so happy! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Her hands dropped away. “I was just telling Dan that we needed to get together again.”

Again? Before I could process this tidbit, she lunged in again and gave me another hug, rocking me back and forth.

When she let go I tried to back away but I was pinned against the truck and had to suffer through her stroking my hair.

Don’t. TOUCH. Me.

“And you cut your hair! It looks fabulous! How have you been?”

That makes it at least three years.

Thanks. Um, good.”

I tried to side step like the Joker lining up the bus victim in The Dark Knight.

Where is my bus?!?!

“How have you been?” Try not to be socially dysfunctional. Engage on an arm’s length level.

“I’ve been great! Just great!”

Your exclamation points are making me tired. “That’s good.”

A few more minutes of inane conversation followed before she lunged in for a final hug and departed.

When it was over, Quinn climbed out of the truck.

“Mama, who was that?”

“I don’t know buddy. I don’t know.


7 thoughts on “Who Are You and Why Are You Hugging Me?

  1. Ouch!!!! That sounds painful. LOL!!
    I am totally a hugger, very touchy feely but I try to respect people’s bubbles until I know, for sure, whether they are or not. I have friends that we are huggalicious. Others not so much. It’s cool. The idea of invading another person’s space, unwanted, would be horrifying so until I get the “hugging is a go…” I don’t enter the space!!!
    Painful but made for reader entertainment if that helps. ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Most of my friends are huggers too. The fact that I am not is actually a point of great fun for us, they torment with rand om pokes and squeezes. But this girl I didn’t really know at all. But what was worse – the day after this episode it happened again with a total stranger at the grocery store. I leaned into my cart to reach something and I felt a little poke on my low back, a goose on a normally hidden tattoo. I turned expecting one of those friends, but it was just this old dude with a creepy yellow mustache. He asked if my ink went any lower. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!


  2. I’m sorry Lynnette! I laughed out loud the whole way through that. You wrote it too well for me to feel bad. However, just wondering, have you ever tried, saying immediately, “I’m sorry, I’m just not the hugging type”?


    • I’m usually hands up in an ‘I surrender’ position when I say that, but I do do it now and then. This time however, I was afraid I was missing someone important. Turns out it was a girl my husband used to work with and I met her once, shortly after bringing my baby home after delivery. Not much on brain power then. Also not much to earn a gushing I MISSED you, either but it seems I made an impression.


  3. Lynnette,

    You and I would get along absolutely fine! I can do the hugging thing but I have a 3 foot radius of personal space myself! I feel like a frog in a blender when someone gets to close like that (although having a small son I suck it up for posterity sake)

    For future reference if we ever do get to meet I shall make sure to carry a copy of blog picture with me and show it to you from at least 50 foot away. I think we can reasonably shout at each other from that distance without having to resort to our cell phones….just a thought though….feel free to add details…

    Aaron ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Perfect! I’ll be sure to have my own photo ID on copy paper so I can fold it into a paper airplane for delivery. And just so that you know, the answer is ‘no’ you may not have just a sip out of my cup, even if I do have a straw. WHY do people do that???


  4. Pingback: Come Join the N.U.D.E. Celebration at More Cowbell! | Jenny Hansen's Blog

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