Have I mentioned that I am not a touchy/feely person? I’m not one for hugging acquaintances (or friends, for that matter), I have never bussed cheeks in greeting, and all those unsolicited belly touches from 8 billion people while I was pregnant nearly got me committed.
And anyone who knows me, knows this. I am very protective of my 3 foot radius of personal space. Don’t. Touch. Me.
Last Saturday I took my son the store to visit his father.
We pulled in, and the moment I stepped out of the truck, I heard the distressing squeal of a hugger that has spotted a target.
I glanced around and confirmed that I didn’t know anyone in the vicinity, so I turned back toward the truck to tell Quinn to unbuckle.
But when I stepped back, I ran into the girl and found myself in the midst of a spine crushing embrace.
“It’s you! I’ve missed you!”
“Heyyy.” In my caution, I drew the word out like The Fonz.
“Oh, Lynnette, you look gorgeous! You’ve lost all the baby weight since I saw you.”
There goes the Mistaken Identity theory. But there was a clue there. She hadn’t seen me for about 2 years, if she noticed the missing baby weight. Go-Go-Gadget Brain!
“I did. Yes.”
She bounced up and down on her tiptoes, covered her mouth speak-no-evil style, and squealed again.
“Ohhhh, I’m just so happy! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Her hands dropped away. “I was just telling Dan that we needed to get together again.”
Again? Before I could process this tidbit, she lunged in again and gave me another hug, rocking me back and forth.
When she let go I tried to back away but I was pinned against the truck and had to suffer through her stroking my hair.
Don’t. TOUCH. Me.
“And you cut your hair! It looks fabulous! How have you been?”
That makes it at least three years.
“Thanks. Um, good.”
I tried to side step like the Joker lining up the bus victim in The Dark Knight.
Where is my bus?!?!
“How have you been?” Try not to be socially dysfunctional. Engage on an arm’s length level.
“I’ve been great! Just great!”
Your exclamation points are making me tired. “That’s good.”
A few more minutes of inane conversation followed before she lunged in for a final hug and departed.
When it was over, Quinn climbed out of the truck.
“Mama, who was that?”
“I don’t know buddy. I don’t know.