We Got an F’n F???

The State of Maine recently announced the “grade” of the public school in our town. The one our little is about to enroll in for Kindergarten. And yep, we got an F.

That clearly stands for “Frightening Fuckery, Fucking Families For Forecasted Future.”

That right there was a bitchin’ alliteration. Which I suspect that my son will at no time in the future be able to identify.


Education pisses me off. Or more accurately, the attitude toward education pisses me off. On the Federal level. On the Sate level. Aaand, for the full trifecta, on the individual level, too.

Seriously – What are we thinking??

We run around with our big heads, and our big guns, and our big credit card debt for the big TV, railing about how great ‘Murica is. And we suck. And we are only going to get suckier.

Because we spend money like remedial math students on the stupidest of things and don’t put money where it belongs. Why?

Well, because we are remedial math students.

For current standings, we have 30 some countries that outperform us. We should get better. Try harder. And we are. Sort of.

But who has more rapidly improving math students than we have? Latvia. Lithuania. And 20 some-odd other countries.

Sure, those studies are aimed at school kids. But those school kids become college kids who can’t grasp the full impact of student loan debt. Then they will graduate to being adults that still suck at math. And they will run our nation.

At the State and Federal levels it’s all bicker, bicker, bicker, test, test, test.

You pay. No, you pay. Contingency grants, funding matches.

Can we please just admit that an educated nation is to the benefit of the nation?

Make it federal, pay for it, and don’t skimp.

But the taxes!!!

Shut up. Just shut up. If you ever drive on public roads, get mail, drink public water, don’t cart your human waste ’round back in a chamber pot , fly anywhere, have Big Bird babysit your kids via your HDTV, cross rivers without swimming, or ever see a doctor, just shut up.

You don’t get those things if you don’t pay taxes.

If you live off grid in a hand-hewn house, foraging for food, burying your waste and concocting herbal remedies, you may continue.

What’s that? Oh, it was only the crickets, enjoying the silence because nobody does that.

And stop with the testing already. Obviously, that method is failing. We have been testing for years, and we still suck. And those tests somehow allow kids to get all the way to graduation without being able to read.

How about we aim, instead, to teach children to love learning, to explore, to experience an intrinsic drive to know more. They are all brilliant, but when measured against the same stick, will never turn into their own, personal genius.

That he really said this is in dispute. I don't care if it was a quote from the Easter Bunny, it still applies.

Whether he really said this is in dispute.But  I don’t care if it was a quote from the Easter Bunny, it still applies.

And to you, the individual. The one that doesn’t have kids and thinks it is obscene that you have to pay for the education of others’ spawn.

You are just a short-sighted idiot.

First, re-read the paragraph about six back.

Know what a paragraph is? That is likely because some poor jackass with no kids paid for you to go to school a while back.

Don’t know what a paragraph is? Start the whole article over to learn why.

But please, take a moment to do what we all do best. Think about yourself. What is to your benefit?

First, a good accountant to help you avoid paying more taxes than you should. And where do good accountants start?

In the cabbage patch of basic math skills provided by your public schools.

You also may need an awesome attorney, too. They begin with excellent reading comprehension skills. One must read volumes, closely, to find obscure references and loopholes. So they, too, begin in the public schools.

And your surgeon! God knows, we need to extend our greedy little lives as long as possible. You better hope we continue to teach biology in public schools so that ER doc can identify the need for the triple bypass.

Which you might have earned by stuffing your face with Big Macs. Isn’t it irritating when those clerks can’t give you the correct change for a ten?

You want to be healthy, financially comfortable and long-lived to enjoy that house you live in. The one build by that grubby group in hardhats who need fantastic geometry and spatial skills.

If you honestly still don’t see how it is to your benefit to have an educated community, I feel kind of bad for you. Delusional Disorders suck. I wish you luck getting the help you need.



8 thoughts on “We Got an F’n F???

  1. We got a “C”. Our public school is better than YOURS is! *sung in sing-songy ‘na-na’ voice*
    Hmmm…I wonder if I spelled all that right and used proper punctuation?


  2. “Shut up. Just shut up. If you ever drive on public roads, get mail, drink public water, don’t cart your human waste ’round back in a chamber pot , fly anywhere, have Big Bird babysit your kids via your HDTV, cross rivers without swimming, or ever see a doctor, just shut up.

    “You don’t get those things if you don’t pay taxes.”

    I like your attitude. Thank you. The next time someone complains to me about taxes, I’m going to mention that chamber pot.


  3. I do so understand what you’re talking about Lynnette. I was taught by Jesuits and I had an EXCELLENT education. I graduated in 1974 and my generation is probably one of the last who did receive that. After I had graduated not once, but twice from college, the first for music, the second for comp sci and was working for IBM, one of our supposed “hot shots” came up to me and said, “I know you know how to do this, I don’t” He had a Master’s in Comp Sci. He needed me to do some work from the command line and I knew all the commands and functions. He had not been taught that. I was floored.

    For the same reason I never set foot in a public school to teach, but instead performed and taught privately, is the same reason I never went on to get a Master’s and lecture or teach at a community college. I’ve taught software at Verizon. Everything is about teaching to the FCAT here in Florida. Perfectly reasonable people will tell me that it is not so. They’re wrong. I went to some of my private students’ schools for presentations and it was just dismal. They spent the first 20 minutes reviewing the material on their FCAT preps, which left about 25 minutes to play. The kids clearly didn’t want to be there and the teacher was uninspiring. My viola professor told me that what we all really do is teach ourselves. A teacher, a good one, inspires and guides. The student does the heavy lifting. I certainly appreciate what you’re saying. Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I want to see a whole generation fail; I want to see them succeed more than anything! I must go and find my chamber pot. Great post!


  4. Pingback: State Testing Sucks but…. | I Live, I Love, I Teach

  5. *slow clap*
    This teacher right here applauds you. Ever doggone thing you’ve said I’ve been saying over and over and OVER!

    Thank God my British Jamaican parents had to sense to teach my brother and I BEFORE going to school and making sure that we had homework every night and during the summer.


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