“Never let your dingleberry dangle in the sand
Wrap it up in tissue paper, hold it in your hand.”
We used to sing this when I was a kid. I think every kid did – it was right up there with the Herman song. You know the one:
“Herman, look what you’ve done to me.
Herman, it’s called pregnancy
Herman, you stuck your worm in me
Now it’s Herman and Sherman and meeee.”
Kids are weird. But in retrospect, I think grownups are weirder, because I don’t recall a single parent or teacher taking us to task for singing these.
Perhaps, though, they left us alone because these little ditties have practical applications.
Herman could be canonized right along with The Boy Who Cried Wolf as a cautionary tale disguised as a brief bit of entertainment.
And that Dingleberry song? Has some serious real world applications.
I mean, when we have little kids, we make sure that we clean them thoroughly with wipes, inspecting carefully to make sure there are no stray bits left behind before we diaper them back up.
But when we grow up? We are on our own, with dry paper, and (thank God) no one to inspect the job. And there is an awful learning curve on this as our diapered cherubs potty train on their way to grownup personhood.
“Wipe good!” you’ll call through the door.
But you’ll roll your eyes when you do the laundry.
“Wipe until the paper is clean!” becomes the new mantra, until the day water seeps out from beneath the bathroom door as about 90 linear feet of TP clog the drain.
There has GOT to be a better way.
Then I saw this:
Brilliant! Cottonelle makes wipes for grown ups? Flushable ones?
Big boy underpants rejoice! You shall be clean!
I got such a kick out of this concept that I was invited to become a Brand Ambassador for Cottonelle. And really, how cool is that?
I was slow on the bandwagon, I was invited weeks ago but I pretty much make it a rule to never recommend something without you know, trying it first.
Buuut, I have the attention span of gnat, so it took me 3 weeks to remember to buy some.
But we’re sold. So I joined up. I am officially a Brand Ambassador for Cottonelle.
I didn’t have to do this. Though, really, one doesn’t have to do much of anything except breathe, sleep, eat and, well, poo.
Which brings us right back around to those wipes.
See how that works, there?