The world has a terrible tendency to gift me with EVERYTHING I need, once I no longer need it. Seriously, this is no exaggeration.
A couple of quick examples from the past month alone:
I win $250 bucks on a scratch ticket the day AFTER $100 worth of checks bounce.
I receive an offer in the mail for a free month supply of Frontline, 2 days AFTER I plunked down $50 for the mega-sized-dog vial.
I received an email reminder about my automatic life insurance withdrawal 3 hours AFTER the withdrawal (triggering the bouncy bouncy previously mentioned)
After deciding I would never again receive the Staples in store purchase coupons, I caved and bought ink. Picked up the mail on the way back, and BINGO, there it was – $20 off an in store purchase of $50. I’d just spent 47.98.
And, inevitably, AFTER I sneeze, someone offers me a tissue.
To emphasize this idea, and because I am a geek, I made a Venn Diagram to illustrate this concept:
A while back, I was taking my wheelchair-bound Mother on a two state journey every couple of months to see a special neurologist for her rare, you’re-more-likely-to-win-the-lottery disease. Most times, I was lucky and had the aid of a very gracious Aunt, who came complete with a wheelchair accessible van.
So. Much. Gratitude.
Buuuut a couple of times I had to go it alone. Or with a helper that was, well, not so helpful.
One of the worst parts of those excursions was bathroom time. People go to the bathroom several times in any given 8 hour period. More so, when they have bladder problems. Plus, Specialists love lab reports, and urinalyses provide great ones.
So I got in lots of bathroom time. And for those of you that have never helped a fully disabled adult use the restroom, let me assure you, it is an exercise in strength, acrobatics, balance and ewwwww. And sometimes, sitting in a stranger’s pee.
But you can’t let the ew part out. Because the person you are helping feels bad enough already. That is the moment they feel least dignified.
So you are as efficient and thorough as possible, and you try to make light as you go.
WHYYYYYY weren’t these given to me back when I was facing all that poop that didn’t belong to me?
As a Cottonelle Brand Ambassador I was introduced to these (I bought them myself, but until I was invited to BE a Brand Ambassador I had never heard of them) and I can say they are fantastic. I suspect my kid’s underpants may never bear skid marks again.
But when I think back to some of the more notable bathroom adventures in Boston – the slip ‘n fall, the poo shoe and other delightful memories, and consider how utterly awesome it would be to have had these little beauties back then, I can’t help but wonder –
Why does the Universe always deliver to me a little too late??