I mean that so sincerely that I just Googled HTML font size tags to make sure it caught your attention with the title.
Here are some things that make you an asshat, just so that we all work from the same playbook.
- Parking in a handicapped spot just prior to JOGGING into the store.
- Talking on your cell phone while you POINT at pictures on the menu and nod to the waitstaff to place your order
- Bitching when there are pickles on your sandwich after doing the above because the waiter doesn’t speak mime, and when you double tapped the pickle, he misunderstood you to mean double pickle.
- Telling my 5-year-old he is rude for refusing to shake the hand of your little guy who just wiped a 5 inch swath of snot across the back of his own hand
- Not apologizing to someone after berating them for 10 minutes for being late, when you, in fact, were early because you don’t know how to calculate time zones properly.
- Throwing your McDonald’s leavings out the window of your moving car**
- If you make a public apology wherein you apologize for any “misunderstanding” of what you said point freaking blank. I’m talking to you Mr. I-respect-same-sex marriage. . . but-I-absolutely-don’t-respect-adoptions-in-gay-families Barilla.
- Arguing for drug tests in order for people to receive public assistance, because fuck kids***
- Not reading. This doesn’t make you an asshat unless you choose to BOTH not read, AND to get pissy defending your opinion on anything other than what to have for dinner to anyone with eardrums.
**This is especially egregious if there is another vehicle traveling behind you. Particularly, when it is MY vehicle.
*** And to you, I urge you to turn your tiny little mind to Arizona. Look up how many people they busted with that program. And how much they spent doing it. Read. Something. A ketchup packet might get you started. You know, ease into it.
But today’s Asshat category winner is a jewel among jewels.
You choose to send a private note to a person up in front of a live audience of 100 who is giving a professional demonstration while simultaneously monitoring a question board and trying not to cough as she recovers from a bronchial infection that should have resulted in her calling in sick, but didn’t, because all of the clients’ time, aka YOUR TIME is too precious for her to take a needed personal day.
Especially if that note says, “You say ahhh and umm too much.”