Naughty Words or Let’s Go, Bitches

I swear like a pirate. I don’t mean to. The words just come out, like my tongue has a mind of its own.

Because of Quinn, I often find myself biting the offending body part. Other times the words fly out before they are even consciously considered. But, I’ve said it before – you can’t unring bells.

Considering my pirate roots, I really do quite well. . .more “freaking” than, well, the alternative, but there are still problems.

Quinn calls me on them. Mama, that’s a naughty word.

I know, I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.

But my problem is compounded by the favorite word of toddlers – why?

Why is that a naughty word?

Well, Hell if I know. It’s a naughty word because a bunch of people arbitrarily decided it was so. Explain that to a three-year old.

There are synonyms to every naughty word on the books. Why is one term naughty and one acceptable? You still describing a pile of feces. Or a carnal act. Or a part of a woman’s anatomy.

It get stickier. We have a female dog – a bitch.

The beavers down the road live in a dam. Damn homonyms.

Where are we, Mama?

There is a geographical location we routinely drive through dubbed Cow Shit Corner. I am not making this up. Google it.

Between my own Piratese, the wholly arbitrary nature of “naughtiness” and that whole homonym stuff, I really don’t have a prayer.

I do correct him when he uses ‘bad’ words, but when he asks why it’s naughty, I answer in the only way I can.

Well, buddy, lots of people don’t like those words, and they might get mad if you say them. Since you don’t want people to get mad at you,  don’t say them.

Invariably, I hear it again – Why, Mama?

Honestly bud, I just don’t know.

But even though I don’t know, I still try to watch my tongue, I still catch him when he slips up, though that happens rarely.

And it became clear today that I also need to explain the arbitrary nature of naughty words to the babysitter, when Quinn tried to hurry me along to watch some videos.

He turned back at the door, smiling.  Mama, come watch some Humptys. Let’s go, bitches!